A Guest Post by Ruthie Gray
One of my earliest memories as an introverted 6-year-old surrounds my fear of talking to people.
My dad worked in the business office of a Bible college and since our home was on campus, I was allowed to visit his office every day.
During that era, there was a large, brassy guy on staff named Lloyd Preston. Lloyd got a kick out of making loud comments, singing crazy songs, and joking with (read: pestering) young children.
I avoided Lloyd at all cost. In situations where I had contact, I tucked my chin and tried to appear invisible.
And he knew it. Which made him seek me out even more.
One day as I exited dad’s office, I heard Lloyd’s loud, jovial voice floating down the hall near the exit.
I ducked into the women’s restroom and hid behind the door, praying Lloyd would leave before I had to go home.
I waited. Finally, cracking the door, I peeked down the hall.
More jocularity.
Time was running out, so I gathered my courage and made an exit plan: walk quickly, quietly, invisibly past him, chin tucked, eyes almost shut.
I skirted down the hall. Around Lloyd Preston and current audience, making it a full 180 degrees before he turned and bent to say, “I SEE YOU THERE, LITTLE MISS, WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING?”
I assumed a bullfrog pose (swollen, red face, bulging eyes), and bolted for the door.
I have a fear of not only gregarious people who might draw attention to me, but I have a fear of talking to people. Especially with new people.
I’m afraid I won’t have any words/the right words.
I’m afraid of awkward silence.
Can a sister relate? Tell me you know what I’m talking about.
I’ve come a long way towards remedying this affliction.
If you are a fellow sufferer of tongue-tied paranoia, read on, my shy little friend.
Allow God to use you to bless others
Research shows that introverts are more self-focused, and extroverts are people-focused.
Please don’t hate me. I didn’t make the rule, I just live by it – by very nature.
But God calls us all to minister to others in this world. To be a light; to wash each other’s feet:
“Go into the world. Go everywhere and announce the Message of God’s good news to one and all.” ~Mark 16:15
You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept.
We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill.
If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket do you?
I’m putting you on a light-stand.
Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand – shine!
Keep open house; be generous with your lives.
By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven. ~Matthew 5:14-16
You can’t hide a light.
You have to touch another person and interact in order to wash their feet (aka be a servant).
So if I, the Master and Teacher, washed your feet, you must now wash each other’s feet.
I’ve laid down a pattern for you. What I’ve done, you do. I’m only pointing out the obvious. ~John 13:13-14
Have you ever considered that God made you an introvert because He wants to perform a work in you that you can’t possibly pull off yourself? A work to His glory?
He called us to serve; to be light. We can't do that without interaction. Share on X
So how do we interact?
1. Ask about them
I grew up a pastor’s daughter. My mom was the social butterfly of the church fluttering about to each person, inquiring of their welfare and asking how she could pray.
While I sat in my pew and waited for someone to talk to me.
One day she issued me a challenge, “Get up and go talk to people!”
So I did. And as I directed my steps toward their pews and inquired of their lives, their children, and their days, I received joy and gathered courage!
People love to talk about themselves! Get them started and be sure to listen actively.
Here are some questions for you to write on your hand and pull out at the next social event:
What’s your vocation?
Where do you live?
How long have you been at that address?
How do you know so-and-so?
How many kids do you have?
What do you do for fun?
And if all else fails
How are your new year’s resolutions coming? (Even if it’s August, this’ll spark a conversation).
2. Offer a few words about yourself
For years I kept the subject steered toward the other person. But I realized that not sharing myself is still a bit selfish. So, I began practicing.
Hi, I’m Ruthie, nice to meet you! What do I do? Well, I’m a mom of four grown children and I’m trying to be cool with that, since everyone but the baby is out of the nest. I’ve found solace in blogging and I love it! Oh, and I have the cutest grandson ever – his name is Sawyer. And we’re expecting a granddaughter in early spring!
Get a little convo going with yourself in the bathroom mirror. Try to sound excited.
Customize your stand-up act. List things that really light your fire. Work on your confidence – stand up straight, lift your chin, and speak up!
I’ve made some fabulous friends just by emerging from my cocoon and sharing a bit about myself.
You become more approachable when you open up and share your life.
3. You can do this!
Deep down, I’m still a tiny bit afraid of talking to people. But they aren’t going to kill me, for goodness sakes.
They’re not going to kill you either. You can do this!
Allow God to work through you to minister to others. Extend your light and be ready to serve. Share on X
Ask good questions and listen intently – you’ll discover new questions in the listening.
Share a bit about yourself and be generous with your life.
Now it’s your turn – what’s your greatest obstacle in talking with people? I’d love to hear!
{All Scripture taken from The Message}
Ruthie Gray is a wife, Gigi, and mom of four (who lived to tell about it). Ruthie’s passion is mentoring moms to capture joy with humor, advice, and practical application of Scripture at Ruthie Gray.Mom. Ruthie is a contributor of the free mom devotional app, TruthBytes, and the author of Count to Nine; 9 Liberating Steps for Mom Frustration and Anger. Click to download her Wife and Mommy Survival Kit here.
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I’ve always been extremely shy myself. As an adult I’ve tried to come out of my shell too. And sadly often said or did the wrong thing. A few years ago I really started to pay attention to people who were very good with socializing and making friends with others. And this year I was gonna be brave and start putting it into practice in my own life. I started to look people in the eyes as I’d walk by them and smile and say hi. And shortly after starting this, two women from my church thought I wasn’t worthy to say even a hi back. They turned their head when I’d walk by them in the hall and pretended they didn’t see me. One literally refused to say hi one day when I saw her in the hall. She looked right at me and literally didn’t think I was worth a hi or a smile or any kind gesture. I’ve gone over that moment and any moment I’ve ever had with these women and I can’t think of anything that I’ve said or done that could’ve offend my fellow sister in Christ so much! The only thing I can think of is my shy personality must’ve came off as rude or offensive in someone. Which makes me hate my introverted personality even more. I’ve come to realize at the root of my shy personality is the “fear of man.” I didn’t realize it until then that the reason I’ve had such a hard time my whole life to talk to people is the fear that I’ll be rejected. And after experiencing exactly that, I’ve been so broken and just hate who I am. I literally feel shame that my introverted personality could’ve made someone feel like they were justified in treating me like that. It’s been a long dark road of self hatred since then. And I feel so stuck! I’ve been spending more time with God, really searching the scriptures on fear of man and who I am in Christ but for some reason I can’t get those truths to penetrate my heart. I just feel like I’ll always just be an outcast and even beyond God’s help.
Dear Sweet Sister in Christ,
I’m so sorry for how stuck you feel and for the pain of being rejected. It’s very difficult to change the way we see ourselves and let God’s love for us penetrate our hearts. But the more we train our mind to think differently the more it influences the way we feel about ourselves. One way I have learned that helps is using some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to change our negative thinking patterns. Once we recognize some of the distorted ways we think, it helps us break the negative thinking patterns. One negative thinking pattern is called Mind Reading where we interpret what someone else is thinking. There are many books that helped me and I’d be happy to suggest a few. In my own research about conquering the fear of man I discovered learning to fear God and understanding what the Bible says about fearing God helps us not ot fear man. We fear God by seeking to understand his character, his constant presence in our lives, and through obedience. It is an awe of God and how he desires a relationship with us, not being afraid of him.. I have some more articles on my blog you can search up the words—self-doubt, confidence, 5 reasons I failed to know my worth, Christ esteem
Praying the Holy Spirit helps you see the truth about who you are. You are valuable. Capable. and loved just the way God made you.
https://valeriemurray.com/five-reasons-failed-know-worth/
https://valeriemurray.com/how-to-brave-self-doubt/
https://valeriemurray.com/10-ways-self-doubt-doubts-god/
I’ve always been quite the introvert myself. These are awesome suggestions to break out of that shell. I’m tweeting, stumbling and pinning this. <3
Such a great post! I’m so glad you walked right through that fear and share that beautiful light of Jesus now!!!
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
Thank you, Lori! Ah, it’s been God all the way. He is faithful!
Great post Ruthie and one which quite a few of us can relate to. I hated walking into a room of strangers when I was younger – I thought they were all looking at me – how conceited. Your mum is right – people like talking about themselves so that is a good way to start. Saw your post at Women With Intentions Link Up
Yes, shyness is at times a form of conceit. We think everyone is thinking about us because we are for sure thinking about number one!! Lol. Yeah, mom knew what she was talking about. She’s a wise one! Thanks for stopping by!
Oh, Ruthie! Me too! I was so afraid of talking to people that I wouldn’t even talk to substitute teachers at school! (Got bumped down to a lower reading group once during a long-term sub’s tenure.) God has done a work of grace and mercy, and uses me as a teacher now!
Wow, you’re a teacher and look how far you’ve come, with God’s grace! He is to be praised – we could never accomplish anything without Him. Thanks for sharing your story!
Thanks so much for this Ruthie and Valerie.
Ruthie, I think our daughter could have written it. Your parents and Rev and I have lots in common. So, much of your story made me smile. My fluttering around the church and dad working at both a congregation and at our Seminary.
Something I love about our introvert is that she is an excellent listener who loves big with great care and compassion. I love how God’s design offers balance and allows us to meet many needs. Blessings!!
Wow, I didn’t realize that, Deb! No wonder you’re so wise, you’ve had lots of time in the ministry to cultivate that wisdom. (I do admire you, you know!)
Yes, introverts can be good listeners. I am one of those as well. It has helped me so much in rearing my kids – I think that’s why they confide in me still.
Thanks, Deb!
These are so great. As a Communication Arts teacher, I don’t really struggle talking to people, but I can see how people might. Great post!
Oh my, I’m sure you don’t struggle with that, but I’m also sure you’ve come across students that do! We need lots of prayer and tlc! 🙂
What a great word, Ruthie and Valerie!
Thanks for sharing your story, Ruthie, and some of the things you have struggled with.
I’m afraid I might “scare” you! I’m one of those friendly, talkative sorts that sometimes overwhelms the shy people!
Funny thing… you don’t “sound” shy on your blog!
Hope you both have a blessed day~
Melanie
Hahaha Mel I do have a word quota and when that gets filled up, I disappear (mentally, if not physically)! Like I said, I’ve worked through a lot of this and I don’t think most people would consider me shy anymore. The timidity rests just underneath the surface! 😉
I would have never known this about you Ruthie. I know over the Internet and with all the commenting we bloggers do, it makes it look easy to communicate with one another. One of my daughters is timid when it comes to striking up conversations with others. I always tell her exactly what your mom said, “go talk to people, ask them questions, they love talking about themselves.” Funny, how that line never goes out of style. Great tips and when we meet in person, I’ll be the one who will be asking you a ton of questions, you’ll wish that I would be quiet. 🙂
Yes, people tend to be more bold behind the computer. I can tell who the more talkative people are because their personality comes through the screen! 😉 People I know (in real life) don’t consider me shy either, so I guess I hide it well! And I can’t wait to meet you, I still love talkers (I’m married to one)!