Do you lack confidence? When you think about yourself, are your thoughts positive or negative? Do you have head knowledge that God loves you but have a hard time believing it in your heart?
Sometimes I can’t believe I’m still battling feelings of insecurity. Over the years I’ve gained a lot of confidence, but I still have to put my armor on against the fiery arrows that aim to deflate my worth.
I become discouraged when I allow these arrows to pierce me. I lose my sense of purpose. I start doubting God can use me.
Don’t let these traps deflate the truth of who you are.
Letting other people define me
You’re stupid! You have no common sense! You’re an airhead. I believed these words and allowed them to define me as a young girl.
These words crippled me and made me afraid to try new things. I was terrified of failing and looking stupid. And so I learned to live without taking risks. I never tried out for sports or extra-curricular activities. I learned to live in fear.
This is a terrible way to live! I take risks now. Big risks to my ego, like starting a blog. But sometimes I still have to push myself to take more risks. I have to be confident in what God is calling me to do and stop doubting myself.
Friends, never forget, your worth is not defined by people.
Your worth is defined by God. It’s engraved in the scars on his wrists. Share on X
Being afraid of what others will think of me
People pleasers live in fear of being rejected. I’ve been a people pleaser my whole life. I want you to like me. I want approval. This is also a terrible way to live! You simply cannot please everyone! The Bible says that we should live to please God, not man.
Live to please God, not man. Share on X
For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ.
But Peter and the apostles answered, “We must obey God rather than men.
for they loved the approval of men rather than the approval of God.
Doubting God’s love for me
Do you know what happens when you doubt God’s love for you? You try and earn His love by being good enough.
Sure, you may believe that you’re saved through faith and not by works. But there is a works mentality ingrained in you.
If you do all the right things, then your life will be blessed. Because just maybe you’ll make God proud of you. If you don’t do the right things, then God will be disappointed in you and you will suffer the consequences.
But friends, that thinking is not Biblical.
There’s nothing we can do to make him love us any more. We are already fully accepted. Fully loved. Even when we sin. That’s amazing grace!
When this kind of grace penetrates your heart, you will understand God’s love for you. You will have confidence in who He made you to be. Just the way he made you.
You’ll accept his free gift of salvation and live for Jesus because the gift is wrapped up in grace, not works. That’s freedom.
You can’t do anything to earn God’s love. His love for you is already perfect and complete! Share on X
You can’t do anything to earn God’s love. His love for you is already perfect and complete!
Comparing myself to others
I saw the cover of People magazine, titled “The Most Beautiful Woman in the World.” Who feels good about themselves when they read a title like that? The first thing I did was hate on myself. I wonder what it feels like to be Jennifer Anniston, the most beautiful woman in the world? To look that young at her age. To have no wrinkles. I wonder how much older than her I look? But it doesn’t do me any good to compare myself to Jennifer Anniston!
I left the magazine on the shelf and knew in my heart that to God, every single person He ever made could rock the cover of that magazine.
You can’t compare individuals because it’s their individuality that makes them beautiful! Share on X
I love this quote from Cheryl Martin’s book Distinctly You:
“Be authentically you. That’s when you will have your greatest success.”
No matter what your goals are, there will always be someone to compare yourself to. There will always be someone faster, prettier, and more talented. So stop comparing and just be the best you, you can be.
Negative self-talk
Have you ever listened to that voice that talks to you? The voice you hear when you mess up. The voice you hear when you’re scared to take a risk. The voice you hear when you’re not measuring up to your own standards.
You’re a bad mom. You’re so lazy. You’re certainly not the mom you envisioned yourself being after 6 years of infertility. You were such a great teacher and now you can barely manage your own kids.
Isn’t that simply awful?! Do you know what happens when we talk negatively to ourselves? We begin to believe it as truth. When we believe lies as truth we start to mold into the role we have given ourselves and we become stuck.
But when you speak the truth of who you are to yourself you become the person you know God wants you to be. You live out the truth of who you really are. You make changes. Not out of guilt but because you know that God has equipped you to be the best you-you can be.
Instead of letting lies affect our thoughts, let’s fill our minds with the truth! Share on X
I’ve included a free download with verses to help you fill your mind with the truth of God’s Word! Also, I’m suggesting some great books I’ve read that have helped me develop Christ-esteem!
What has caused you to doubt your worth? How can you encourage someone else to have confidence?
This post contains an affiliate links
Verses to Help You Know Your Worth
Hello there! I'm Valerie, a mom of four and wife of 27 years. My writing inspires others to cultivate courageous faith and find solace in trusting God, especially in moments of fear and uncertainty. Join me on this adventure as we explore the beauty of trusting God when we are afraid. 
“Christ-esteem” this is fantastic. You have given me more insight into myself and I thank you for that!
Oh,thank you for this cup of water.I’ve been a people pleaser all my life,& recently have been pushed against a wall.God my Redeemer placed this post in my hand today. Thank you so much.
What joy it brings me to know that God led you to read this post today. I’m so glad that your were encouraged and I pray that whatever wall you are up against, that the Lord would give you confidence in Him. Courage. And strength. God bless you, Stacey!
Your honesty has enabled you to put into words what I have pushed into the deep caverns of my heart and mind. Thank you for speaking it out loud in such a loving way letting it bring to surface and the light tha affects us all
You are so welcome. Thank you for your beautifully written words to me. They blessed me!
I can totally relate to all of these! Thank you for sharing your thoughts in this area!
Thank you for visiting Patty!
??? Thank you, thank you, I really needed this!
Thank you for reading.
Thank you for sharing, for I’ve always struggled in these areas and it’s encouraging to hear that someone else has had to deal with this too. Thank you for the uplifting and encouraging words you give us!
You’re so welcome Ronda I appreciate your kind words to me!
Love this post, Valerie! I have also struggled with insecurity as a blogger so I could especially relate to those first two reasons. Blogging has been the perfect trial for God to use to teach me to see myself through His eyes. It has not been easy! Love the wisdom you have in this blog post.
Thank you, Barb. It has been a joy to go through this journey with you at the same time. The Lord has used blogging to teach me so much about facing fear and having confidence in what He’s calling me to do. He is so faithful and trustworthy!
Valerie,
This could be me you are describing. I think our childhoods were very similar. The works based worth was so ingrained I participated in and tried to perfect every little thing that came my way. I worked myself to the bone trying to be “good enough”. I wish I could have grasped The depths of God’s love at a younger age, but am so very thankful I eventually did. I know it will always be an area I must intentionally monitor and over which claim the truth of God, but I’ve come a looooong way!
You are such a blessing and I am so thankful for the privilege of calling you friend!! Thank you for sharing this beautiful hope at #MomentsofHope!
Lori, I’m so glad that we both have found the healing of God’s unconditional love! We have that connection of having similar mentalities growing up and so we understand each other well. Thank you for being such a great friend to me!
Love this Valerie and just had to tweet that one about our worth.
Yep I’m guilty at times. I am doing much better, but somedays I let Satan get the upper hand but not so much because of all these truths.
Thanks
Yes, God’s truths are so wonderful! Thank you for sharing Debbie!
This is a great post, Valerie. I could almost have written it myself, because I saw parts of me in it, too. I guess many of us have struggled at one time or another. I’m so thankful that God made me in His image, but also unique and that He loves each one of us. Those are great scriptures you shared to help us remember the truth when the lies come. Blessings to you! I’m your neighbor at #CoffeeForYourHeart.
Thank you so much for your kind words, Gayl! I pray that we would all know how much God truly loves us!
Love the verses you included in your download, Valerie. Psalm 139:14 is one of my all-time favorites. I am so glad that I was linked up after you over at Kelly’s today. Your words encouraged my heart today. Blessings!
I’m so glad you liked the verses Lyli! Blessings to you!
This is beautiful, Valerie! I love your tweet … my worth is defined by the scars engraved on Christ’s wrists … so moving! Sharing this week!
Thank you for sharing, Dianne!
Can I just tell you that you are one of the most precious women that I know?
In fact, you are one of my very favorite people in the whole world! You are kind. You are loving. You are making a difference! You are a wonderful friend, mom, wife, and woman! You are a blessing! And, I think God did a superb job when He hand-crafted you!
Thank you for sharing these words of hope today~
Oh Valerie,
I do love you and to me you are more beautiful than any of the airbrushed ladies on any magazine. I read your article and then read all the comments posted and agree with all of the comments. You are such a beautiful, kind and thoughtful women. I am glad God made you just the way you are. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, they are precious. Love you very much!
God bless you!
xoxo
Awe, so sweet to see your comment here Jan. Thank you for always being so kind to me! Love you!
The people I trusted as a little girl said so many horrible things to me. And, I believed all the lies. So, I grew up with a lot of emotional baggage. Now, God is revealing all the lies to me and I’m getting rid of them through the help of the Holy Spirit. But, it’s not been an easy ride. I’ve had days when all I did was to cry at the level of damage these lies have caused in my life. However, I’m glad I now know the truth but I’m a work in progress. I often doubt my sense of self-worth but yesterday, I read a book that told me point blank, I was created in the image of God, so, I cannot be worthless. This post resonates with me totally.
I’m so sorry about the pain you’ve experienced in your past Jane. I’m glad God is showing you the lies and helping you to live your life knowing that you were created by him for a purpose. You are special! Your life has meaning and purpose. I pray that you would know this truth in your heart. We can be confident in who we are because of Jesus! He equips us! He uses us! God bless you, Jane!
Love this Valerie on so many levels! Thank you for sharing your heart. I too have been a people pleaser most of my life. Filling my mind with words from God’s word helps me become better prepared for those fiery darts you mentioned. Still a soldier in training;) This is a post that everyone needs to read. I will be sharing. I love all the verses you left for us too. Beautifully done post!. Have a fantastic weekend and blessings to you and yours!
Proud to be a fellow soldier with you, Horace! Thank you so much for sharing something that is so close to my heart. I pray others will be set free from the lies we so often perpetuate in our own ways and patterns of thinking.
Amen. Fill our mind with the truth!
Yes, the truth will set us free! Thanks, Carmen!
What an open, honest post about something we all struggle with from time to time. The enemy loves to reaffirm every negative thought in my mind. Jesus doesn’t see us like that. We are redeemed and worthy. Thank you for this!
I’m so glad Jesus doesn’t see us as we see ourselves sometimes. Sometimes we have blinders over our eyes.
Thank you so much for this post! It’s an issue so many women struggle with today. Peace and blessings to you for simplifying it and making this practical. We have a choice what we will believe. Stopping by from Five Minute Friday!
I’m so glad you stopped by Leigh. I’m glad you thought my post was practical. My heart breaks for women who are stuck in negative patterns of self-defeat-because I was there once. God’s truth brings us freedom!
Valerie- Thank you so much for sharing your heart! What an encouraging, inspiring and just such a heartfelt post! We have so much in common. I to was labeled an “airhead” as a teen…and it hurt. I’ve had to work at getting those thoughts out of my head and sometimes they just creep back in. Thank you so much for giving me some TRUTH to overcome them!!!
Thank you for your kind comment, friend! I never liked the term “airhead” and was the brunt of many blonde jokes, lol. I’m so glad that God’s word pours confidence in our hearts and gives us the courage to be bold for Him and the freedom to mess up, laugh at ourselves and move on.
Valerie, I’m guilty of all of the above. Like you, I’m so much better than I used to be . . . but the lies still creep in occasionally. Thanks for this! I’m sharing it all over!!
Deb, I know God brought us together as friends because we have so much in common. You are an inspiration to me!