Mommy fear was in the forefront of my mind.
My 6-year-old had recently learned to ride her bike and it was time to practice her skills. She was wobbly and unstable. We were venturing out on her first solo family bike ride on a Tahoe trail.
I prayed over and over, “Lord, please keep her safe,” as my mind visualized her crashing. I followed close behind, trying to coach her.
And then it happened. Her handlebars swiveled, she lost control and flew off her bike. Panic overcame me as I swerved to avoid her and hit my breaks.
The next thing I knew, I was flipping over my bike, my entire body in midair, crashing backwards onto the graveled pavement.
I couldn’t get up; intense pain radiated in my elbow. And so there we were both mother and daughter, crying on the pavement.
Thankfully, my daughter only suffered road rash on her tummy. I, on the other hand, would endure surgery the day before Easter for a shattered elbow involving pins and plates in my bone, 21 staples and months of physical therapy.
I have reviewed that day in my mind many times. I find it interesting that what I feared actually happened. And yet it wasn’t half as bad as I had imagined; my daughter was ok.
Sometimes the fear of “what if” will captivate our minds. It will take the joy out of the journey as we worry about what might happen.
Fear had plagued my mind before the bike ride ever started.
And so I ask myself, “what am I really afraid of?”
I’m afraid of losing one of my children.
I think of the pain of dear ones going through the loss of a child… a friend who recently had a brain aneurysm and lost the ability to function on her own and whose husband is now struggling to care for her and their children.
A year later our family was on Spring break in Tahoe again. My elbow was healed. The family wanted to go on a bike ride later that afternoon.
I was afraid to get back on my bike. I wasn’t sure if I should go or not.
I went on a morning jog and heard the words of Kim Walker-Smith of Jesus Culture softening my heart: “He loves us… Oh how He loves us…” over and over, the words repeated themselves. God was telling me He loved me until the words penetrated my heart so deeply that my sobs suddenly burst through all the hidden places I stuffed them.
I ran up the hill—breathing in God’s love for me and breathing out all my fears and doubts—the hill that so many times mirrored my journey as I struggled to run the race of life and make sense of all the sorrow in it and the fear I held inside of me.
I told God how tired I was of being afraid. Afraid of something bad happening, afraid of doing the wrong thing, afraid of what people think of me—afraid, afraid, afraid!
And yes—afraid of falling off my bike!
Get back on your bike. Go on that bike ride.
Those are the words I heard silently in my head. God, is that you speaking to me? Or are those my own thoughts? How do I know that’s you?
The answer came right away. Again—words that I felt were not my own just appearing in my mind, suddenly.
You will never know if you don’t obey.
And then I knew it was true. Obeying meant trusting Him. How would I know whether His promptings were from Him if I did not obey? I wouldn’t.
And so I got back on my bike. And I didn’t fall.
I’m learning to believe and trust in His love for me—to listen and obey what I know He is calling me to do, not what I think others think I should do.
I’m learning to stop always worrying about the “what ifs” and turn them into “even ifs.” It became clear to me that no matter what happens to me or my family in this life, fearing the “what ifs” only shatters my trust in God, but turning them into “even ifs” helps develop my trust in His love for me, so that I know that…
Even if… I fall… He will take care of me.
Even if… the worst happens… He will carry me through it.
Even if… someone doesn’t like something I do or say… I know my worth.
Even if… I fail… I will be ok.
EVEN IF…
Whatever it is that you are fearful of today, try turning it around and saying, “even if.”
Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you. (Isaiah 54:10 NIV)
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. (Psalm 46:1-6 NIV)
This story made me think of when I broke my wrist biking too. I had just come home from spending time with mom at the hospital. I had a different mental approach than you had in that I felt so good to be healthy that I rode recklessly passing everyone until I came upon the sharp turn at the bridge and did an ‘endo’. Now that I read your blog I think my unconscious fear was of my mothers passing. I’ve always taken the approach to ‘move through fear’, but it would be better for me to meditate on trusting God to deliver me through those tough times instead of trying to burn off the dark cloud physically, it’s too dangerous!
Thanks for leading me to reflect, Valerie.
So great to hear from you. I was thinking about you recently. Thank you for sharing about how you tried to move through it. It’s so interesting to learn how to conquer fear. I’m still in the process of learning and wanting to overcome fear. I am probably going to start a blog series on it. Your comment made me think about skiing. My adventurous dad has taken up the sport as well. When I ski, I find that when I am fearful I fall easily and when I am overconfident I also fall. The cycle can repeat itself. Life is such a balance of everything…like a teeter- totter I am trying to find that balance, lol!
So inspiring and encouraging, Valerie! Trusting isn’t easy. And trusting Him in the big things can sometimes be easier than trusting Him with the small, every day things. Really coming to a place where we can say, God is Enough, God and God alone, is really a blessed thing. Thanks for sharing! Have a blessed week!
Hi June! I know what you mean that sometimes it’s easier to trust Him in the big things than trusting Him with the small things. I’m so glad you stopped by.
I needed this so badly! I am gripped with fear that I will lose one of my children or myself be taken away from them.I lost my mother when I was eleven and my father at seventeen. I know my God, and I love my God.I know that fear is my lack of pure faith and I know as well as I sit here that someday when they are grown I will mourn and regret the time wasted by fear and anxiety.Thank you for this post!
Augusta, I’m so sorry that you lost both of your parents at such a young age. That must be so hard. I know that there are no easy answers and the struggle with fear is real. Everyday we just have to try our best to entrust our lives to Jesus and remember that He is in control and loves us. Thank you for your thoughtful comment. God bless you!
This is so good- this whole concept of fear has been heavy on my heart and tackling the “even ifs” of life. Such great encouragement
I’m so blessed that it encouraged you Keri! I’m still learning to face my fears and trust God each day. It’s not easy! But God is with us no matter what happens in this life!
Hey Valerie,
Good morning. Hope you are doing well today.
Just wanted to let you know that I am sharing this post with a counseling site that I do social media for.
It’s set to go up tonight about 9.
Here is the link: https://www.facebook.com/pages/HeartLife-Soul-Care/837320329648449?ref=hl
Thanks for the words of encouragement~
Blessings,
Melanie
I’m honored that you are doing that Melanie! Thank you. I can’t wait to check that counseling site out! Have a blessed day!
I love how you turned the what ifs to even ifs. What a wonderful God lesson.
Thank you Mary!
So proud of you for using your gifts to encourage others, Val. Keep it up! You know I’m reading every word. 🙂
Awe. Thank you my friend! 😉
I’m often plagued with tremendous fear as well. I know its not of God and that I just need to trust Him as He is in control. Thanks for an encouraging post!
Thank you for commenting. Let’s let go of fear and live free in Christ!
hi Sis really enjoyed reading your inspirational beautiful blog ?great read
Thank you for taking the time to read the posts Joanie!
I love the lesson here! You have a gift,I’m so glad I found your site today, I’m loving it all!
Tiffany! Thank you so much for taking the time to read and stop by. Your blog was the first one I ever left a comment on…and it meant a lot when you replied. I related to a lot of what you said when you were starting your blog…and I have been praying for you!
Thank you so much Valerie! I’m kind of blown away by that comment, I don’t even know what to say ? You have the sweetest heart, I’m really looking forward to getting to know you more!
Thanks for such encouraging words, Valerie. I can relate to so much of what you’ve said. I pray God continues to use your words to uplift others!
So glad to meet you at the bloggers bootcamp. Thank you for visiting here and leaving a comment.
That’s good, turning “what if” to “even if”. Thank you for this post and for linking it up with the #RaRaLinkup. We are glad you are here.
Thank you Katie! I enjoyed reading the posts at the link up!
Oh Valerie. How I love you! You are a gifted writer an you have such a beautiful spirit! God bless you my friend!
Xxoo
Thank you Jan, for your kind words and support! Love you too!
I love the “even if”, a great point to think on.
Thank you Robin!
This is beautiful, Val – a delightful reminder to trust in the God who loves us so deeply and fully, that we know we will be OK. <3
Thank you for your kind words Christine! I am always learning to trust in the Lord more ;). You are an inspiration to me! I love http://www.worthandwisdom.com!