I struggled for many years on Mother’s Day.
I will never forget the day I walked out of church holding back my sobs. I desperately wanted to be a mom. And on this particular Mother’s Day, the evidence that I wasn’t one was more than I could handle.
I felt like the only woman still sitting down as all the Mother’s stood up. But I was able to hold back the tears until the worship pastor began to sing a beautiful song he wrote to his wife, thanking her for making him a daddy. And, I lost it.
Years of infertility and emotional pain were a daily presence for me. Mother’s Day only brought those afflictions to the surface. After going through 6 years of infertility, I will always feel a need to be sensitive to women longing for motherhood.
Days that are good and worth celebrating often bring pain to the surface for those who are suffering.
Do you know anyone struggling with infertility?
They may need a hug and some extra prayers today.
And so I write this post not to discourage you from celebrating. Mothers should be honored and appreciated on this day for all of their love, work, and sacrifice.
Instead, I write to remind us that on a day where many people rejoice, there are also some who mourn.
Romans 12:15 says
Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.
It was one of the happiest days of my life. October 19th, 2005. My son, Brennan was born. But there’s a woman somewhere who remembers that day as being one of the saddest days she will ever experience.
We arrived at the hospital at the same time, both of us walking through labor pains to the front desk. Our beds were next to each other as we waited for a room. I arrived first, so my vitals were taken before hers and they put the baby’s heart monitor around my pregnant belly.
As the nurses examined my neighbor, I could sense the tension building in the room. They called for the doctor. The curtains were closed. They unhooked the monitor that echoed the sound of my son’s beating heart.
I heard the doctor say the most devastating words a mother could ever hear. “I’m sorry, but there’s no heartbeat.”
And then the cries of grief encompassed the entire room, even though there was a curtain dividing us. I wept for her and experienced conflicting feelings for the joy I was about to experience.
I went through labor and delivered a healthy baby boy. She delivered a baby she had to say goodbye to.
I left the hospital holding my son.
She left with empty arms, an empty heart and came home to an empty nursery.
I don’t know her name or who she is. But every October 19th, I pray for her. I will never forget her.
Mother’s Day may be painful for those who have lost a child. They may need some extra support. Will you take a moment and pray for them right now?
Sometimes a supportive hug speaks the words you don’t know how to say.
September 11, 2010. I heard sounds from my husband that alerted and scared me, causing me to rush over to see what was wrong—sounds of utter grief. My husband struggled to get the words out, “Watch the kids!”
He brought my daughter back who had spent the night with Grandma. Then he ran back to my mother-in-law’s. She lived one house over.
I called 911. But it was too late. She was gone. My poor husband found his mother dead. She had a brain aneurysm in the middle of the night while my 7-year-old daughter was having a sleepover with her. My daughter had been alone with her all morning trying to wake her up.
My husband lost his dad two years previously. He tried to resuscitate him in the hospital but it was too late.
After losing both his parents, my husband began to suffer from panic attacks and post-traumatic stress disorder. I can’t even imagine the pain of losing my parents. It’s too hard for me to even think about.
If you are grieving over the loss of your mom today, my heart goes out to you. I pray that God would comfort you every time you miss your mom.
As Mother's Day approaches let's rejoice but also remember those who may need a little encouragement. Share on X
We can rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn. We can do both on the same day.
If you are going through a difficult time, I hope these verses comfort you.
What are you rejoicing in today? How can you be sensitive to those around you as you rejoice in the blessings God has given you? I would love for you to comment below.
- Ask God to help you be mindful of what others are going through today.
- Think before you say something that may be hard for someone to hear.
- Pray for the person God brings to your mind.
- Give them a hug.
Sometimes the pain of Mother’s day comes in unappreciative children. A lady I have become friends with was ignored last year and it broke my heart. Her 3 sons did nothing to acknowledge her. I cannot fix what happened last year, but have made plans to celebrate her this year. I truly hope that her sons do not ignore her this year, but I am not taking the chance.
Thank you for bringing this up. I have several friends who hurt from this same pain. It would be so hurtful to not be acknowledged by your children on Mother’s Day. It’s very kind of you to be present with her in her pain. I’m praying for all those mamas who long to hear from their children.
I’ve been trying all day to find something like this to post on FB about all the wonderful ladies that suffers on Mother’s Day. I’ve suffered a little over 10 yrs of unexplained infertility. Mother’s day is was not easy for many years.
Then, I got pregnant without science help and at 20 weeks check up I was notified my baby has no heart beat. I gave birth to our angel baby boy and came home empty handed.
2 months later I got pregnant again and God had truly blessed us with our beautiful and healthy girl Faith Elisabeth.
She has lighten our life and made my Mother’s Day with happy tears now. The pain did not go away all the way & my heart aches for all the ladies that are suffering and crying this Mother’s day. God reminds me every Mother’s Day & wants me to pray for them. I will join you in prayer today.
God bless you and what you do ???
It looks like I forgot to reply to your comment and I apologize for that. With Mother’s Day coming up again, I’m glad you can enjoy your sweet Faith. Thank you for praying for those who are hurting.
Thank you so much for writing this beautiful piece. It was exactly what I wanted to share on my Facebook page to remind people that Mother’s Day isn’t all rainbows and unicorns. My husband and I went through infertility treatments and I had to have a hysterectomy (after we stopped treatments) when I was 31. Everyone assumes it’s ok to wish a woman “Happy Mother’s Day” when it’s painful for more people than not, imo. Thank you for sharing the many reasons Sunday will be a hard day.
Such an important reminder, Valerie. I’m thankful that my mom is still here, though I grieve that she doesn’t yet know the Lord. But there are others who have a hole in their heart this week that may not be totally filled this side of heaven. Blessings and Happy Mother’s Day to you!
Hello,
Thank you for your perspective. I appreciate the thoughtful grace that you have infused into your writing.
Recently my husband and I thought I might be pregnant to learn that I wasn’t. We’ve been trying for two years. My post for this week is from the perspective of a woman waiting for God to give her a child. It starts very emotionally and ends in hope.
Blessings to you.
Bless you, Valerie, for sharing this. Some have never conceived or given birth. How they must feel when their fellows are celebrated! Thanks for drawing out our empathy with this evocative post. (Sitting Among Friends)
This is such a moving post, Valerie. I love that you cover both the celebration for some but grief for others in need of our encouragement. Thank you. Blessings to you!
Thank you for your kind words Trudy. God bless you!
I need to hear this today. As we head into this week we will be saying goodbye to someone I consider my second son. Then Mothers Day will come and his momma will not have him, one of my closest friends. The pain will be immense. Thank you for the reminder words may not be needed just a hug.
Oh Maree, I’m so very sorry. Sometimes the timing of Mother’s Day just hurts all the more. I’m going to be praying for you and your dear friend. May God comfort you and give you peace.
I am teary eyed this morning as I read your honest, painful post. I have experienced unexplained infertility and pregnancy phobia for 8 years of marriage. The years were passing by, all my friends had kids, the ladies younger than me had kids and I was finding ways not let my faith ship wreck.
Today I am a mama of triplets( I had prayed for twins all my life),but I never ever forget those who are grieving. The Lord was teaching me to be sensitive to grief, and He took me that route.
Praying for everyone who are grieving today, and especially on Mother’s day.
Diana – https://dianasdiaries.com
Oh Diana, we share the same heart. I’m so happy that you now are the mama of triplets. I know we will never forget the pain of infertility. Blessings to you!
Hey sweet friend! This post is so hope-filled and beautifully written! It is my #MomentsofHope featured post this week!
Hugs,
Lori
Thank you so much for the feature this week Lori! I love your link-up!
Beautiful words. My Mom has been gone almost 15 years and I am usually good. Buying Mother’s Day cards yesterday was tough though. Many grieve and definitely need to be lifted in prayer. Thank you for your heart!
I can imagine seeing the cards must be hard. Thank you for sharing and caring about those who need to be lifted up in prayer. God bless you!
I definitely needed this today. This will be my first Mother’s Day without my son Isaac who I lost at 18 weeks pregnant on December 23rd. His due date is the following week. I’ve been struggling everyday since May has come, but when I saw mourn for those mourn, I am not alone. He is with us as we cry.
I’m so sorry Sarah. This broke my heart and brought me tears. I mourn with you and pray that God would comfort you through the painful reminders of your loss. He knows every tear that falls. Psalm 56:8
Wow, Valarie! These stories of grief that hit so close to home for you are bowling me over! You’ve been through what you’ve been through for a purpose! I just know it! God put you in that room with the dear, sweet mother who lost her baby for a reason. And all the events before and in between have some divine purpose–as painful and harsh as they were and are. I don’t know what that purpose is other than to applaud you for telling your stories here. I know God will use them and minister to those who face infertility and untimely deaths. Praying for you, your husband and that sweet mama who left empty-handed from the hospital not so very long ago.
Thank you for your kind words Beth! I hope she feels my prayers wherever she is. God bless you!
Thank you for sharing these different perspectives about Mother’s Day. So many mixed emotions for so many people on this holiday.
Thank you for visiting Bethany!
Thank you for this post. I lost twins at 5 mo and followed by a radical hysterectomy. Mother’s Day has always been difficult. At 65 it still is. Bless your heart for thinking of us!
I’m so sorry for your loss, Mary. That must have been so hard and traumatic. I’m praying comfort over you. God bless you!
What hard experiences to go through. God is with us even in the midst of such pain and grief. Mothers day can be painful like so many other holidays.
Yes, sometimes it’s hard to understand the pain. I’m not sure our human minds can make sense of it. But God is always near and with us.
Unfortunately, I lost my mom in 1994 to Uteran cancer. My dad had already passed in 1971 from a massive heart attack. I had the honor of moving my mom in with us two years prior to her passing and taking care of her until she passed. I remember those days as if they were yesterday. And that’s what keeps me going-the memories… I would do it all over again if given the opportunity. Ladies, make the memories last forever. For those who lost someone , maybe a child, do know that they are in Heaven, waiting patiently for God to call you home…Be blessed…
Dee, I’m so sorry I missed commenting on this. Thank you for taking the time to remind others to cherish every moment with our loved ones.
Valerie, what an emotion-filled post. You have quite a story here – and one that will touch others for years to come. I cannot imagine how you felt in that hospital room, hearing the grief of the other mom. What devastation that poor mom must have felt.
And when your husband found his mother – I remember reading the story of your daughter being there for hours before it was caught. So heart wrenching.
The years of infertility – I don’t know this personally, but so many wrestle with this grief.
Thank you for sharing your grief with others “so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God”.
Sharing with my Fb readers. Praying for your back issues, gal!
Awe, Ruthie, I always love your visits. Thank you for your sweet words. Thank you for sharing. I pray that you have a blessed Mother’s Day as you rejoice in your children and precious grandbabies!
Valerie, this is so heart-warming! Someone, somewhere will relate to one of these stories that you shared. It’s a sobering reminder to celebrate but be mindful of those who are feeling pain during this season. To mourn with those who mourn is so fitting!
Hi Marva! I pray that you have a blessed Mother’s Day!
What a great blog and heartfelt post! I found you because of #momentsofhope link-up. I am so grateful to have three wonderful adults kids that will be with me on Mother’s Day, however, I miss my mom terribly. She passed four years ago. I know that she’d not want me to waste a precious second with my kids when she’s with Jesus.
Blessings to you as you continue sharing God’s love with your family and through your writing.
beckielindsey16.com
Thank you so much for sharing Beckie. I’m so sorry for the loss of you dear Mom. I can’t imagine that ache. As you celebrate Mother’s Day with your children, I pray that God would bring you peace and comfort as you miss your mom.
I know several friends who for them mother’s day is really hard because of loss. This is so encouraging!
Thank you for stopping by Danielle! Have a happy Mother’s Day!
Thanks for the compassionate reminder that even days like Mother’s Day can be difficult for some. It’s a good reminder for me to stay empathetic. We never know what those around us may be going through.
Thank you, Jed. I pray you have a great day with your new baby on Mother’s Day!
My daughter-in-law just had her first baby (my first grandchild), eight weeks ago. This Mother’s Day would have been a joyful one for her, but two weeks ago she lost her mother. Joy and sorrow so often seem to come in life almost hand-in-hand. As usual, I’ll be praying this Mother’s Day for all those who struggle through it emotionally. Your post was a good reminder, thank you.
That’s heartbreaking, Anne. I remember how much I needed my mom after the birth of my first child. I will keep her in my prayers as she experiences both joy and sorrow on the same day. God bless you!
These days can surely be wonderful and devastating at the same time. It’s so important we remember those who desperately want these days to be the former for them, but they’re just not. Thank you for this lovely reminder.
As a side note, I think your blog is beautiful and inspiring.
Thank you for your kind comment, Helen! You made my day!
Oh my! I childless and 68 and won’t go to church on Mother’s Day anymore because of the pain in my heart. You described the angst I felt during those services where all the ‘mothers’ stood…not me. A child gave me a carnation anyway because she could not imagine that any grown/older woman would not be a mother.
I lost my mother 3 years ago after 15 years of caring for her with dementia and diabetes. But God is blessing me as the sweet memories are surfacing and the hard ones are sinking further and further down with time. I am grateful. Mama was 98, almost 99, and lived well most of her years. But I miss her so and love her still. My linked up post today is actually with her and how music can help. God has allowed me to write on giving care and am a guest poster re-posting some of those I have done in the past.
I am so sorry for your daughter who was trying to wake her grandmother up and your husband to find his mother gone so suddenly.
Caring through Christ, ~ linda
Oh. Linda, I’m so sorry for the loss of your mom. I was on vacation and I will make sure to go back and read your post about how music has helped. What a wonderful ministry you have helping others from what you have learned in giving care. Thank you for sharing your experience in church on Mother’s Day. I remember on that day when all the Mother’s stood up that there was another older woman still sitting down. I wanted so badly to know her story. And what a sweet gesture from that child giving you a carnation. I often think God sends those sweet gestures to remind us that He sees our pain.
Valerie, I see that I commented last year and find that the pain of being childless creeps into my soul and heart each year. It is hard yet the many years of teaching and tutoring have given me gifts of children in wonderful ways. So I rejoice in that. I still find that I cannot go to church on Mother’s Day as I cry so very easily and that feeling of never having children of my own hurts. I was in a bad first marriage for ten years and the good part was that we (he and I) chose to wait to have kids. As the marriage worsened, that choice became firmly planted in me. Then I was divorced for 13 years and during that time, found that my female organs needed to be removed. Then I married a precious man who had never been married and we were both 45. By then, neither of us wanted to adopt either. That is my story of being childless. God has held me near and I know that His plans are for me. I praise God for beautiful women such as you and the many others who have left their stories here. Caring through Christ, ~ linda
Oh sweet Linda, My heart goes out to you. One of my close friends wasn’t able to have children of her own or adopt due to health issues. I know it’s a piece of her life she has always felt is missing. But one day in Heaven, all the pieces of life will come together in our Lord and Savior and we will be without suffering on earth. I pray that the sting of this day and the reminders would hurt less as time goes on. You have a mother’s heart to love all those children you are teaching. While I was going through infertility I was teaching. I was able to give devoted love to those kids and invest in their lives in ways that I probably couldn’t if I had my own children. Thank you for your beautiful words of encouragement to others and to me.
This is truly a wonderful post, Valerie, there is supposed to be joy and celebration in motherhood, so we should not feel guilty enjoying the day, yet we can certainly have a heart for those we are not as joyful. Thank you for the reminder and encouragement.
1It’s a great day to rejoice in that’s for sure! Having children is such a blessing and my heart aches for those women who are unable to. I pray that God would be their strength and joy! I’m so glad that you stopped by!
Wow powerful post! Thank you for being so real about what others too struggle with.
Thank you for stopping by Mihaela!
mothers day is hard for so many. Those that want babies and those that miss their moms. those aches are the most painful. I cannot imagine either.
@spreadingJOY
spreading-joy.org
Hi Marie,
Thank you for stopping by. Yes, those aches can be very painful. God is our comfort and peace through every ache. I’m so thankful that with God, joy can come in the morning.
You can emphasize with many women on this tender subject. Mother’s Day can be very lonely for many,
Hi Michelle! Thank you so much for stopping by. I hope you have a blessed Mother’s Day!
Valerie, This is such a beautiful post. You so lovingly reminded us of the need for both celebration and mourning. As I watched my mom through the years both adore the day in celebration, a piece of her heart forever ached for the son she lost to leukemia. The grief and joy lived in her heart together for every special occasion. You have such a kind, honest, and beautiful way with words. It is equal only to the beauty of your heart. I’m so thankful to call you friend!
Hugs,
Lori
Your words always encourage me, Lori! I’m so sorry for the loss your mother faced. Isn’t it strange how grief and joy can live in our heart at the same time? Heaven will be so wonderful, where we will have pure joy with no sadness! You are such a blessing and I feel blessed to call you friend!
I got all teary as I read this. Thank you for your sensitivity and thank you for the timely reminder that this can be a very hard day for many people. You have such a beautiful heart, Valerie.
Also, I really like that Bible Gateway tool that you added.
Awe, thank you for your kind words, Dawn. I hope you have a wonderful Mother’s Day!
Thank you for the much needed reminder! It’s so easy to get caught up in our own lives as moms and the lives of our little ones. This is something I have never experienced firsthand, but can only imagine how difficult it is. I will say an extra prayer for those friends in my life who are waiting for their baby this Mother’s Day.
Thank you, Lauren, for your sensitive heart and praying for your friends who are waiting for a child. Blessings to you!
What a compassionate post, Valerie. I think many women will read and be able to relate to what you have shared.
My brother and his wife lost a perfect little baby boy at 40 weeks. He was born, they cut the cord, and he gasped once. That was 24 years ago, and it still seems like yesterday!
Praying God will use this post to bless many,
Melanie
Oh, Melanie, that must have been so heart wrenching! Even though it was 24 years ago, I’m sure that pain is ever present. Thank you for your kind comment.
I can understand hard Mother’s days. My husband and I traveled with a college musical group. On Mother’s day the pastors would say, “Now we know Pam isn’t a mother, but we want her to get a flower, too.” Like salt on a wound. Losing my mother last year was agony, too. I really appreciate your sensitivity to this subject and the “permission” you give to infertility issues to grieve on the day we celebrate mothers.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your mother, Pam. I pray that you feel God’s comfort and peace. Thank you for sharing your experience in the college group too. That would have felt like salt on a wound to me too. I could have written a book on what not to say to those struggling with infertility. God bless you!
My next door neighbor just lost her first baby at 39 weeks. It has been heartbreaking to walk this road with them. Mother’s Day coming up has really been on my mind because I know it will be so hard for her. Thank you for sharing your heart!
Oh my goodness, that is so devastating, Holly. I’ll keep her in my prayers.
Wow! This is soooo good! It’s true, Mother’s Day has emotions running all over the place. We struggled with secondary infertility for 8 years before adopting our youngest. Some of us also hurt because of the rejection of an older child and the day becomes a hard reminder of what isn’t. Thank you for reminding us that it’s not a day of celebrating for everyone. I know so many who avoid church on Mother’s Day just because it is too painful. Blessings and hugs to you my friend!
Thank you, Deb! I’m so sorry that you have been rejected by your own child. That breaks my heart. Going through infertility and loss like that definitely give us compassion for others. God bless you!