The busy holiday season was in full gear. Carefully documenting the gifts I purchased on my Christmas app, I decided to check my account balance. Boy was I in for a big surprise!
I could feel my face getting hot and the pounding of my heart in my chest when I discovered a zero balance in my checking account. My pulse raced faster and my chest tightened as I discovered that I was charged twice for the MacBook Pro I purchased.
The same MacBook I saved for years to pay for with cash via my debit card.
10 days before Christmas my bank took every penny out of my checking account and charged my linked Visa over $2,000 in overdraft protection.
The same Visa I diligently made payments on every month as I slowly chipped away my debt over the last few years.
I had stayed out of malls. I had stopped looking at email ads. I didn’t go out with friends as much. And the familiar, happy ding of the doorbell that signaled a package waiting for me like a warm, temporary hug became unfamiliar.
I did this for years until one day, I saw the balance of freedom. Zero debt.
I saved all my extra money from birthdays and Christmas and a settlement from a car accident to pay cash for this laptop.
It was the biggest purchase I’d ever made. And It felt so good not to charge a dime of it.
I’ve learned my lesson about debt. Debt is costly. Share on X It creeps up on you if you’re not careful. It stacks and stacks until it’s a mountain that feels too hard to climb. And it takes a lot of hard work and sacrifice to pay off.
I vowed never again to charge my card to where I couldn’t pay it off.
I never knew the heavy weight of debt until I knew what this newfound freedom tasted like. Share on X
And I wanted that freedom more than anything I could ever buy.
Now suddenly, the heavy burden of debt was back. But this time it was undeserved.
I called my credit card company. I was put on hold for hours and hours talking to someone who would transfer me to someone else as I rehashed my situation over and over again.
I filed a claim.
I called Apple. I was transferred and put on hold for hours.
When I finally made contact with a supervisor from my bank and a supervisor from Apple it became apparent to me that neither company would accept responsibility.
The bank thought it was Apple’s fault.
Apple thought it was the bank’s fault.
And I just didn’t know.
All I did know was that there was a possibility that if Apple didn’t reverse the charge, I would end up paying for a second MacBook I never purchased and would never receive.
I felt broken. Weighted down by a debt I didn’t owe.
Pulled down by the unfairness of it all.
There’s something about being in lost moments that helps you find your way to understanding what’s really important and what really matters in life.
And the more I thought about it, the more that what really mattered in life became alive in my heart.
I just wanted to hug my children.
Money didn’t matter. The mad rush of gift buying didn’t matter.
My heart broke for the poor like never before.
My problems that seemed so huge to me, I knew were trivial in the light of what other people were facing in life, like the beautiful young mom on FB who just died from cancer a few weeks before Christmas.
But what really broke me, what really sat heavy upon my heart was the realization of what it must have been like for Jesus to pay a debt He didn’t owe.
Jesus took upon himself the debt of all my sin even though He lived a perfect life.
Even though he had no debt, he took mine. A debt that cost Him not some measly 2 grand, but His life. And not just his life, but the full weight of complete separation from His father in Heaven—compounded for all of mankind.
I felt like George Bailey in It’s a Wonderful Life.
I began to understand the sacrifice Jesus made for me in a way that made me understand the true cost of my sin.
The heaviness of my transgressions became as real as the heaviness of my debt. I felt it. I wept for it. I saw it.
I will never understand the full weight of his sacrifice, but felt a fraction of it in a fresh, new way.
For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though He was rich, yet for your sakes He became poor, that you through His poverty might become rich.
2 Corinthians 8:9
Jesus kneeling in the Garden of Gethsemane weeping tears so deep they turned to blood.
How often do I accept the grace of His forgiveness without truly understanding the sacrifice?
Willingly carrying my cross, He laid down and spread out His arms as nails were hammered into his wrists.
He didn’t fight for His rights. He didn’t file a claim.
He died so I could be free of debt. Share on X
After spending another day being on hold and talking to representative after representative I became overwhelmed with the knowledge that I could end up spending another 3 years paying off this false charge.
I was shocked because I really thought I would be credited immediately.
I called my mom who was compassionate and told my dad. I heard my dad say something in the background.
“Tell her not to worry about it, I’m sending a check in the mail.”
“What?”
I began to sob.
My dad was going to pay my debt. All of it.
Every cent and more.
Without any questions.
Without any reservations.
A debt he didn’t owe.
He covered it.
It felt like the love of Jesus dying on the cross once again for me. Washing over me, my Heavenly Father showing me on earth that He takes care of me. That He still pays my debt. Every day. Every sin. All the time. No matter what.
Grace. Immeasurable underserved grace.
Eventually, the false charge was reversed by Apple and my bank replaced the money.
But I know I can’t reverse the stain of my sin on my own. I know I can’t pay the price of my own sin. There is no reversing it. No matter how hard I try.
But our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, He can. His body was broken to cover my debt. By His wounds we are healed.
But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
Isaiah 53:5
Maybe sometimes it’s good to feel the weight of our sin so that we might understand the true freedom from its release.
And maybe, just maybe some of our inconvenient trials are meant to lead our earthly eyes towards heaven in order for us to see clearly the sacrificial love the Father has for us.
The suffering and punishment Jesus endured on the cross brings us peace! Share on X
That’s what the verse says. Our punishment was “on” Jesus. He took it for us. So we can have peace.
Maybe some of our inconvenient trials are meant to lead our earthly eyes towards heaven. Share on X
Though my sins have been atoned for
though my debt has been set free
may I never forget the price you paid
when you died upon that tree.
Have you ever had an experience that opened your eyes to the sacrificial love of Jesus for you? I would love for you to share in the comments below.
If you enjoyed this post I would be so happy if you shared it.
*This post was featured at ForEveryMom.com
Hello there! I'm Valerie, a mom of four and wife of 27 years. My writing inspires others to cultivate courageous faith and find solace in trusting God, especially in moments of fear and uncertainty. Join me on this adventure as we explore the beauty of trusting God when we are afraid. 
Thanks so much for sharing this. I, too, have felt the weight of both self-inflicted and undeserved debt in my life. What a joy to know that Jesus truly paid it all!
I found your blog through the Grace & Truth link Up. 🙂
Hello Steph,
Thank you for taking the time to comment. God’s sacrificial love overwhelms me!
Hi Val! It has been a really long time, I’m so glad to know you are doing well. This post is really beautiful, thank you for writing and sharing your heart. It really met me right where I needed it, God is so good!
Merry Christmas to you, Tim and your family.
Blessings,
Alicia Makjavich
ALICIA! How fun to read a comment from a long time friend! Thank you so much for taking the time to comment and read my blog. I love to know that my friends read my posts sometimes. It’s such a blessing. I hope you are doing well and that your Christmas is full of joy and blessing. God bless you!
Merry Christmas!
Valerie
Valerie,
I love how God takes our mess and makes it a message, first to us and then to others if we choose to share. Thanks for choosing to share. Such a great appication to a powerful truth. Praying you have a blessed Christmas!
~Sherry Stahl
xoxo
That is so true isn’t it? He takes our mess and makes it a message. I love that! Thank you for your kind words!
Beautiful, Valerie! We can never reverse the stain of our sin … thankfully, Jesus does! He makes us white as snow … Love this beautiful story of how God knit your heart to His in this special way. (Glad you got things straightened out with Apple and your bank!) Merry Christmas
Hi Dianne,
Amen! He makes us white as snow. I’m so thankful for his love and mercy. Merry Christmas!
My heart dropped when I read this. So glad that it kind of worked out, but I was feeling panic for you. I’m glad that it worked out and that it was a great way to share the love of God. He paid our debts and how amazing was that love!
Hi Rhiannon, I’m so glad it worked out too. It’s always nice to read understanding comments. Thank you!
Oh wow! I was literally holding my breath as I read this! I can’t even imagine! This would send me reeling! But what an amazing reminder that as terrible as this was, the Lord Jesus came to free us from a debt even greater that we would spend eternity paying for!
Thank you so much for sharing! <3
Yes! His sacrifice overwhelms me to think about. Thank you so much for visiting today Veronica!
What great lessons you learned in this situation, Valerie! Love the applications that you made to Jesus and His gift to us.
I’m so thankful for how the lord took care of you and provided every penny that you needed.
He is good!
Paying for one MacBook is bad enough, but to pay for two without receiving the second one is too much. Glad you were able to get your money back AND get a valuable lesson to share here with us. 🙂 Have a Merry Christmas, Valerie!
Have a Merry Christmas Lisa! Thank you for your understanding words!
What an amazing resource! I love this post. 🙂 Visiting from #mommymoments today
Thank you so much Angela!
This story is so powerful. I got tears in my eyes as I read it. The debt that Jesus paid for us is so amazing, so overwhelming, I can’t even fully grasp it. This story has some parallels in it that certainly helps to bring that beautiful truth a little closer.
I’m so glad this made you think about the amazing love Jesus has for us in paying our debt. It’s truly something we’ll never be able to fully grasp. Thank you for your kind words! Have a merry Christmas!
What a great connection to the act that saved us all. I’m not at this stage in my life yet, being only 20 years old, but I think about my future and worry about money a lot (I’m going to be a teacher…). Changing my cognitions in this way really helps to put it into perspective. The debt that I might owe one day will be nothing compared to what Jesus did for all of us.
Love this. Thanks for sharing.
Brooke
I was a teacher before I had kids. It’s a great profession and one that’s very rewarding. There’s certainly some debt that we cannot avoid in pursuit of education. I think it’s good to mainly be careful in the amount we charge for things that we want but may not necessarily always need. It’s easy to get caught up in wanting to purchase new things because they might make us feel temporary happiness but truly never fill the emptiness that only Jesus can fill. Blessings to you and thank you so much for commenting.
Powerful writing! I am paying down at this point in life. You’re right! It’s hard. It’s been an interesting journey though. I have discovered what is really important and what is not. It feels so good to only pay cash for anything.
Once again, well written!
Blessings to you and yours!
Marie
Good for you Marie! It’s hard, but keep plugging along! It’s so true that we discover what’s really important. I learned that I could be content without shopping. It was freeing!