I’ve been married to my best friend for 21 years! And friends, let me tell you, our marriage hasn’t been easy! It’s been hard work. There have been times when I honestly didn’t know if we would last. Times when I just wanted to give up because it was hard and painful.
But now I’m so thankful for the healing I see when I look back. I see how through time our marriage has grown and is still growing. Through time, brokenness finds healing, a heart learns to trust again and true redemption is possible.
God has been the glue that keeps my marriage together. I love the triangle graphic. The top of the triangle is God and the sides are the husband and wife. As each spouse grows closer to God, they, in turn, grow closer to each other.
And in order to stay close to the Lord, we need to fight the good fight of faith. We need to pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness.
The Bible says in 1 Timothy 6:12
Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.
I believe we need to do the same for our marriages.
And so I’ve learned over the course of my marriage when hard times come, I get ready to do battle. Battle for my marriage. Battle for my faith.
I would love for you to read the rest of this post at my friend Shannon Geurin’s blog where I share some ways I’ve learned to fight for my marriage. Shannon is a gifted writer with a powerful marriage testimony. If you get a chance, check out her blog!
Please pray for God to restore my marriage. My husband and I are really committed to each other and are seeking the Lord. I recently discovered that my husband occasionally looks at inappropriate things online. We are both believers and he has just fallen for the lies of the enemy. He is totally repentive and can see it for what it is now. He is redeemed through the love and blood of Jesus, and I wholeheartedly believe that this sexual sin is a thing of the past. He is now dead to it and is drawing closer to the Lord because of it. His heart has completely changed. What the enemy intended for evil, God has turned it into something good. I am the problem though. I can’t seem to get over it. I am always depressed and my joy is gone. We are both doing a Bible study on the topic and I am trying to focus on the cross. But, boy, do I struggle. I thought we had a perfect marriage and now everything seems like a lie. I’m having self-esteem issues and panic attacks. I have always been one to dwell on things though, and this is no different. I am not trying to withhold forgiveness and am trying really hard to forgive him. Just when I release it, the pain doesn’t cease. My husband is doing everything possible to help. I know Jesus is a healer and comforter, and we are resting in Him. I am being consumed though which is contradictive to me resting in the Lord. I want to forgive and remember it no more like Christ. He has forgiven me of so much. I trust my husband will never do it again because he now sees he has sinned against God and me. He hadn’t viewed it as real, so he didn’t think he was breaking his covenant with me. (Which is mind boggling.) His viewpoint is much different now. I know I need to focus on the future because you can’t change the past. I just don’t know how. I want to laugh and smile again. I believe our marriage will be stronger because of this, but I can’t see past the pain. I need Jesus more than ever. Please pray for God to replace my heart of stone. I don’t want to hinder the good work the Lord is doing in my husband’s life. Thank you for your ministry and prayers.
Dear Jill, Thank you for reaching out. I know this time is very painful for you. First of all, I want to thank you for sharing honestly. It sounds like your husband is repentant and seeking to restore himself and his relationship with you. That’s wonderful. That doesn’t always happen. And so I’m praying for continued restoration and praising God for that. When trust is broken in a marriage it hurts. And it’s ok to hurt. It’s ok to grieve the loss you feel. Let yourself grieve. It doesn’t mean you aren’t forgiving. You obviously love your husband. I encourage you to be honest with him as you struggle and communicate ways that will help you build trust again. It takes time for that. Look up Covenant Eyes. It’s an internet software that helps give accountability for internet viewing. There’s also a website filled with helpful articles and personal testimonies. You may feel like you aren’t enough for him and that is causing you to feel very sad too. That’s a normal feeling but actually, his temptation isn’t a result of you not being enough. I understand how everything seems like a lie. That’s a normal feeling too. And in time God will help you see that your husband’s love for you was never a lie. You’ll be able to separate his temptation to sin in this way from his love for you. It takes time. It takes open communication and I pray that your husband is willing to listen to you as you work through it all. There are no perfect marriages. But there can be strong marriages that work through storms in life. Yours can be strong. Yours can withstand this storm with Jesus Christ in you and at the center of your relationship. You aren’t alone. God is your source of strength. Our peace can only be found in Jesus Christ. It can’t even be found in our marriage as much as we want it to. You can have peace in Jesus as you walk through this. You can have joy in Jesus. And so I’m praying for you dear one. I’m praying for God to strengthen your heart according to his word. To make your steps firm according to his word. To find your hope in him. Jesus will help you. Don’t feel guilty for grieving. But look to Jesus and fix your eyes on him and you will find hope. I see your faith in this comment. And I’m praying for you.
Thank you so much for your encouragement and prayers. It means a lot to be covered in prayer. I have been grieving for over a month, and I have decided today that I am going to hold my thoughts captive. Every time a thought comes, (which is often) I am going to say that the sin is covered under the blood, it is between my husband and God, and I have forgiven him. We’ll see how that goes. I pray that I can do this because I am tired of being sad all the time. My kids need a healthy mom. My husband and I have been communicating and crying together nightly as well. And I don’t want to hinder the good work the Lord is doing in his life by constantly bringing up his forgiven sin. I do feel that our relationship is already stronger.
We have come across Covenant Eyes and discussed the possibly of getting the software. Our only fear is the weekly reporting would be a constant reminder of the sin for me. Call me crazy, but I honestly trust my husband to NEVER do it again. He has come to the realization that he has broken our vows and hates how he has hurt me. He has even come to despise it. But most importantly, my husband has encountered Jesus like he has never before through this. It is actually astonishing and I am so thankful for it.
We have put some safeguards in place. Like going to bed at the same time at night and him not getting online at night without someone in the room. Although, I don’t think he even needs that. His heart has been completely changed by the Lord.
You are right about not feeling good enough. This is something I am majorly struggling with. But I must find my identity in Christ. I pray I can live this out!
This is one trial I never expected to be in, but I am trusting and believing for compete healing and a stronger marriage than before. Thank you so much for your blog and being a bright light in this dark world.
I’m so glad your husband has open communication with you. I’m praying that God will bring peace to your heart and joy as you grow closer to God and each other through this storm.
Thank you for writing about this Valerie- it is so important for Christian wives to hear this message. My husband and I have been married for 17 years now, but for 3 of those years he did not live with us, and we are now living proof that God indeed does heal and redeem broken marriages, as you said. Even when they look ‘dead and buried’. I particularly liked that you said to fight for your marriage- God hears the prayers of one spouse fighting *for* the other in prayer.
Congratulations on 20 years! That is a wonderful accomplishment, and I know it is not an easy one! It is most definitely worth it, though! It takes a commitment to fight for it and a commitment to doing the next right thing! I love your story and I love your counsel. You are encouraging many women and giving them hope!
Thank you so much for sharing at #MomentsofHope! I am sharing everywhere!
Thanks for the wonderful reminder to FIGHT for our men and for our marriages!
Love this one, Valerie!
Hi Valerie! I’m as single as the day is long but I am also in a season of life where I feel like God is really growing me…maybe to be a wife one day, I don’t know? I love reading articles like this as I grow and pray about being someone’s wife. Congratulations on 20 years – that is amazing!!
I’ve been married to my high school sweetie for 28 years… and I don’t take a day of it for granted! Marriage is a blessing and most definitely something worth fighting for… thanks for sharing! I’m your neighbour at #MomentsOfHope
Congrats on 28 years Laura! It’s so important not to take one day for granted. Life is just too short. I love Moments of Hope and appreciate you stopping by!
I’ve been with my man for 7 years (married for almost 2) and I couldn’t agree more. We have to fight to keep marriage strong and stay connected. But it’s a beautiful fight. 🙂
Congrats on 7 years Lauren! Yes, the results of working towards unity and understanding is beautiful.
Hey Valerie I can attest that after 46 years of marriage God is the glue. It’s only because of Him we got thru the hard times. Great post.
Wow! Congrats on 46 years of marriage. Doesn’t it go by fast? Praise God, that He gets us through the hard times.