A Guest Post by Lori Schumaker at Searching For Moments
Life has taken on a slower version of myself. A much slower version. No hidden superwoman cape these days. Recently my health took a significant turn for the worse. It snuck up on me. Knocking my knees right out from under me. Leaving me wrestling with a fear I had begun to believe I had conquered.
The Fear of Disapproval
I don’t know when it started. Maybe it was at birth. That deep-seated need to make those around me happy. I needed to see a smile to feel okay. The frowns – the looks of disapproval made my heart drop heavily into the pit of my stomach.
Whether it was at home or at school, the guiding force of my life was approval.
Growing up – sports, activities, friends, relationships and work. It never changed.
How hard could I work?
How much could I do?
How could I hold onto everyone’s approval of me?
Approval addiction lead me down roads I can hardly believe were me. Molding into what others needed, I didn’t know the value of
“simply me”
Performance was necessary to deserve love. And sadness of the holes within my heart gripped my spirit way too often.
But God.
(my absolute favorite phrase, by the way!)
I began to know Jesus differently than ever before. I began the journey to discovering He wasn’t just a God somewhere in the distance. He wasn’t just for looks – like a priceless treasure we keep on a high shelf, afraid to touch.
Instead, I found that not only was He far away taking care of great big important world matters, but He was right here by my side taking care of my small little matters at the very same time. Nothing was too little or too big for Him.
He was a priceless treasure, but one to hold close – not one to keep far away. And most definitely not one that was breakable.
I learned that “simply me” was valuable. As a matter of fact, He calls me wonderful.
The journey involved a book. Approval Addiction by Joyce Meyer. Have you ever experienced a book, a message, or an article that felt as though God purposely instructed the writing just for you? It was one those kinds of books for me.
Her words led me to God’s Word and His Truth. Just the Word I seemed to need to penetrate the deepest crevices of my heart where I was still holding onto the fear.
His truth that said no matter what, He will not stop loving me.
No matter the situation.
No matter the disappointment.
No matter what!
Friends, it did take a while. It wasn’t an overnight process. It’s more like the layers of an onion. Peeling each one away to reveal the next. Even today, some layers seem to remain or grow back.
You see, the health issues I’ve been experiencing have significantly affected my ability to perform my usual wife, Mom, and ministry duties. As I was forced to sit back, the fear attempted to seep back into my soul. In my eyes my performance was sub-par and the whispers questioning my worth began. My husband was having to do more and my kids do without. I couldn’t help but see the disappointment in their eyes.
That disappointment touched a chord of fear in me. The fear of disapproval. The fear that said because my ability to please my family and friends was sub-par so was my worth.
But because I had done the work, I was able to recognize those whispers for the cruel lies they were. Those layers had been peeled away and laid before the cross. I’d given Jesus power over them so that I wouldn’t have to bear them anymore. It’s not others I need to please to have worth, it’s Jesus. And His love is not performance based. It is heart-based.
It’s not others I need to please to have worth, it’s Jesus. His love is not performance based. It's heart-based. #facingfearseries #cordof6 Share on X
Today I know the truth and whether this slower version of me is forever or whether it is merely for a season, I know I am still valuable. I am called wonderful by the King of Kings and I can be “simply me” living without fear of disapproval.
Yes, I see the look of disappointment in their eyes. But it isn’t a definition of me. It is merely a natural human reaction of theirs.
The Truth defines me. And thankfully, I hear the Truth because …
I’ve replaced my fear of disapproval with the courage of the King.
Approval Addict? There's hope. Replace your #fear with the #courage of the King! #cordof6 #facingfearseries Share on X
If you struggle with this same fear, I pray my story and my strategies give you hope to know that you can replace that fear of disapproval with the courage of the King. My journey toward finding freedom from approval addiction involved the following intentional and consistent actions.
Holy Father, You have made each of us with excellence. Your workmanship unmatched. Your love unfailing. Thank You for Your promise to love us no matter what. May each precious soul here praying this today, feel the power of Your love. May they know that pleasing the world is not necessary, but rather pleasing You alone is the only endeavor that matters. I pray it sinks into the crevices of their souls that nothing – not any disappointment in the eyes of another, not any shortcoming, nor any travesty can separate them from the love of Christ. Lord, I ask You in the power of Your Name to cancel out all spirits of the fear of disapproval and replace them now with Your Spirit of courage. In Your precious and holy Name, I pray. Amen
Because Lori has a passion for seeing lives transformed, she spent many years as an Elementary Education Teacher, as well as an instructor in both University and Community Education settings. After becoming a Mom 14 years ago, her focus shifted from schoolrooms to that of her family, friends, and church ministries. She now uses her own story of redemption along with her passions for writing, teaching, and praying to point people to her Redeemer. Her prayer is that each sweet friend that visits her little corner of the world will walk away feeling loved and encouraged by not only her but by the King of Kings! Her blog, Searching for Moments, can be found at www.lorischumaker.com.
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Thank you, Lori, for sharing your heart and ministering to those who long for the approval of others. I love your quote, “It’s not others I need to please to have worth, it’s Jesus. And His love is not performance based. It’s heart-based.” Thank you for touching my heart with your writing! I’m so grateful for your friendship and participation in this series!
Would you do me a favor? If you enjoy these posts, would you like my FB page? I would love to be able to reach more people with the Gospel of Christ.
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Lori, once again did you write this post with me in mind? Lol As you know we are traveling a similar path due to illness and the inability to do as we’ve always done. It is so hard to find your new place in life when you’re mournng your old life. It’s a delicate balance, but I’ve found that God put me here for a reason. I didn’t understand it then but every day I understand it more. I am grateful for the lesson but I still miss who I used to be and all the things I used to do. But God uses the least and I am happy to be used. Prayers for you my friend, you are enough.
What a beautiful article! I too have struggled with wanting the approval of others. Thank you for the reminder of where my focus needs to be: Living for Christ!
Lori, so sorry to learn that you have been under the weather. Thanks for sharing this lesson that you discovered in the midst of it. God is using you! And Valerie, thanks for this series on fear!
I think we all have this fear at some point in our lives. Whether we realize it or not. I get much hope from your testimony and I do hope your days are filled with God’s love and physical health is restored. Thanks for sharing on Party at My Place today. This brings inspiration to many.
Hey Lori,
What a powerful story and testimony. I love the honesty in your writing. Focusing on the approval of others, is something that I do far too much myself. Thank you for sharing your own journey of working though this. Slowly, I’m in the process of identifying and letting go of some of this approval need in myself.
Wishing you a blessed week!
Hey Lori, I am grateful for your life. The Lord has given you victory and a testimony. Thank your for sharing your encouragement here.
Valerie, I appreciate this series. Thank you for pulling this together in one special place.
Hugs and Blessings to you
How beautiful! Thank you for sharing your insight. The other day, I was listening to a song that really spoke to me. The musician wrote this words: “…from a fear of being accepted, deliver me, o God.” These words are poignant and resonate so deeply to me, as I am coming to a point in my life where I am realizing that God’s opinion is the only one that really matters! Plus, it’s exhausting trying to please all these different people 🙂 Resting in Him and Him alone gives me peace. Thanks again!
Yes, I’ve heard that song and I know what one you are talking about. I included it in my monthly newsletter on facing fear. Such a great song! Thank you so much for sharing your heart.
I’m so sorry that you’ve struggled in this way, Lori. You are infinitely valuable to the Lord and we all know and see it. Thank you for waving the banner for seeking our worth in the Lord alone. You shared great and wise principles for finding our way back to His secure embrace. Hugs and prayers are being lifted for you, my friend and so grateful to Valerie for highlighting you here!
Lori, thank you for this message, prayer, and encouragement! These were powerful words: “I’ve replaced my fear of disapproval with the courage of the King.” So many of us try to be people pleasers, and we really just need to be ourselves and love ourselves as Jesus loves us. This was truly an exceptional post! Thanks for sharing 🙂
Valerie and Lori, thanks for sharing this important message that I need to relearn over and over again. I especially like your 6 strategies. The book Search for Significance by Robert McGee was life-changing in this area for me. Other people’s opinions about me always change. God’s truth about me never does.
So sorry to hear of your illness, Lori. I know how that feels when you see the effects on your family. Grace to you. #GraceandTruth
Thank you, Betsy! Isn’t Valerie simply awesome? This series is phenomenal and I am honored to share here!
I am going to look for that book! It sounds like a great resource. Thanks so much! And AMEN! -“Other people’s opinions about me always change. God’s truth about me never does.” – love, love, love!
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
What a great post, Lori!
Love this line, “I’ve replaced my fear of disapproval with the courage of the King.”
I can so relate to what you have shared here, and I love the 6 Steps to walking in freedom. I’m sharing this one all over today!
Thanks for sharing your story and such wonderful words of hope!
You are a blessing~
Melanie
Thank you so much, Melanie! I pray these words will encourage and bring hope to others. God is so good to use our messes for His message 🙂
Hugs,
Lori
Oh do I struggle with this! It seems like the desire of approval shapes so many decisions – from simple things like what I’m wearing to more life-altering decisions like moving or ministry. Thanks for sharing your heart, Lori, and for hosting, Valerie. This is simply beautiful & such a timely reminder!
Alison, I am so grateful God is using these words to encourage! So often we were raised to be “good” girls and as important as it is to be obedient, it is a fine line to walk between obedience and developing approval addiction. Thank you so much for your kind words and sweet encouragement!
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
Thank you for sharing-Valerie and Lori. Touched my heart…and desire for approval.
Thank you, Susan! I am thankful your heart was touched 🙂
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
Oh Lori, I can so relate to this. And I believe there are many of us out there. Rushing and doing to please everyone around us. I had to take a serious look at it after all my efforts failed BIG TIME. As God slowly healed my broken heart He helped me realize my focus was off and that keeping my eyes on Him was all I needed. You’re right, it doesn’t happen overnight, but the blessing is worth the baby steps. Blessings to you and I’m praying for your restored health. Thank you Valerie for sharing Lori’s post here! Hugs to you both!
Thank you so much, sweet Deb. Your words always bless me so much! I so appreciate your prayers as well! And isn’t Valerie just a treasure?
Blessings and smiles,
Lori